Ever heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? If you haven’t it’s a social phenomenon where people are criticized, undermined or resented due to their success, achievements or high social status often to maintain social equality or conformity.. essentially you do well in some areas of your life and then people try to dismiss and/or minimize your growth based off of their lack thereof and insecurities. Basically, when you do well, someone people who don’t want to try to cut you down like a tall poppy hence the name “Tall Poppy Syndrome”.
Tall poppy syndrome has shown up for me in a number of ways. I have encountered many people from my past who due to their perceived interpretation of my success wish in their own way to attempt to humble me now that I have published my memoir and appeared in a number of media publications since my transition. I am a former adult entertainer and underwear model turned transgender activist. I am confident that tall poppy syndrome has occurred in my life because due to the nature of my own personal success that being my transition, I am a physical manifestation of what it looks like when you achieve a challenging goal in the face of adversity, stigma and discrimination and still choose to still persist in doing so therefore prioritizing my own needs and concerns over others people’s judgments of my gender identity. Also with my background in the adult industry and having no shame about it, people are often quite rattled in their own cages due to their own personal lack of comfortability in their own bodies, so it’s hard for them to see a proud gay transgender man owning their sexuality and gender identity publicly. I make people question their worth by mentally and energetically radiating the fact that I know and own mine on a public scale.
The situation being that while I became known in the media as a transgender activist, it has further magnified my social circle’s less than desirable response to my success. That said, at the present, I have now appeared in Vice, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, Newsweek, Pride.com, Yahoo! News, Mashable and will be appearing in Inked Magazine in October 2025 speaking about how my tattoos helped me overcome adversity. It’s sad that many people, rather than being happy for me overcoming my life’s struggles who rather compare themselves and make passive aggressive commentary than do their own work and become their versions of success that I would happily clap for.
How has this situation affected my mental health? I frequently encounter this within my own trans masculine community, simply because I stand out. For those in my community that become insecure when comparing their transition journey to mine, often they end up envying me for it and being unkind rather than becoming an ally. It is hard to make friends when people are in silent competitions with you in their minds that you could care less about. I’ve also been more of a loner so I am used to this but it definitely showed me entirely different side of people that I had to really look at for what it was and just know they were never really my people to begin with and to be ok with walking away from family, friends, colleagues, etc.
When the envy happens I now find comfort in knowing that the universe is showing me these things for my own good and to find other people who are not threatened by me aligning with and achieving my life goals. Initially, it was deeply disappointing, but now, I’m used to it and it’s not a surprise when it happens, I just tell myself I’m on a different level of awareness that most have not yet attained.
How I coped with the situation and the advice I would give to others experiencing something similar is that I’ve made many necessary edits to the people I choose to allow in my circle. For anyone experiencing something similar, just know your biggest enemy is a jealous person. If people can’t be happy for you, they are not entitled to your presence in their life.