Daily navigation strategies:
These are my own strategies, not intended as a comprehensive guide, but as frequently as possible, as a transgender man, I avoid public restrooms. When I leave the house, I make sure not to drink liquids for about an hour beforehand and avoid having liquids as much as possible in public. As a transgender man, I wait until the very last minute to utilize my home restroom to avoid any possible public restroom trips. If I have to go to the restroom in public now, I make sure my partner is with me. Yes, at 42 years old, I use the buddy system because of how absolutely dangerous cisgender people have made public restrooms for transgender people. My partner is cisgender, and he understands my concerns and is very supportive in making sure I am safe.
Physical impacts:
Holding your urine can create issues within your body. In order to avoid possible UTIs, I try to avoid being in that situation by identifying and anticipating how long I will be in a certain location. I often avoid hydrating myself when I am in public to avoid having to urinate and, in turn, become dehydrated by doing so, so it’s not great for my system. The dehumanization of transgender people and the stigmatization we face impact our physical well-being the most.
Mental health effects:
Prior to my transition, I’ve always presented as masculine, in my 20s before beginning my physical transition in 2016 at the age of 32, I have had cisgender women try to not allow me access to the then women’s restroom, I had cisgender women give me side eye when I was washing my hands in the women’s restroom back then, which informs my overall bathroom experience now as a passing transgender man in the men’s room. Naturally, I am now conditioned to be overtly cautious while entering any men’s and/or family restrooms.
Historically, cisgender people have made it so dehumanizing for transgender people to simply relieve ourselves in private that many transgender people, such as myself, now have hypervigilance surrounding what we may/may not have to anticipate safety-wise when attempting to utilize public restrooms – not the other way around.
Moments of hope:
In the restroom space, it’s a huge downgrade to now utilize the men’s public restrooms, as they are some of the most unhygienic locations on earth. The only things you can hope for there are doors on the stalls and not being harassed. What I will say is that the only blatant harassment I’ve ever encountered in restrooms was with cisgender women when I presented as masculine before transitioning. There’s a lot of queer phobia directed at butch people, and that needs to stop.
Now, I do make it a point when I enter a public restroom to leave “a trans person peed here and no one was harmed” sticker within the stall, so maybe that’ll be hope for the next trans person who might be in that stall in the future.
About Rev. Dylan Thomas Cotter:
With over fifteen years of expertise in PR and strategy, Rev. Dylan Thomas Cotter stands out as a strategic advisor for elite clients across entertainment, technology, fitness, fashion and beauty. His dynamic life experience enhances his ability to elevate brand messages and drive impactful engagement.
A former adult entertainer, Dylan Thomas is proud gay transgender activist and author that has appeared in Vice, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, Yahoo! News, Pride.com, Mashable and Newsweek that happily resides in the Hollywood Hills with his partner. His memoir Transgender & Triggering The Life of Dylan Thomas Cotter is available now at Barnes & Noble, Harvard Book Store, Book Soup and Skylight Books amongst other fine retailers and is distributed worldwide through Ingramspark.