Let’s face it. Having a media presence is weird because you stand out in society and that’s a catch 22 for sure.
I’ve had the pleasure of seeing individuals (and myself) go from “nonexistent” to the top of industry publications. What always fascinates me the most is how everyone else in their lives (and my own) chooses to react to it. Friends, colleagues, family — everyone seems to just… start to move differently around you. And by that I mean, not intentionally, not maliciously, but with a kind of energy that if you’re not careful can be quite off-putting.
Now, if someone in your life starts to obtain media coverage on a large scale, here are some things you can do to not make things uncomfortable for them:
1. Act normally.
This is, by far, the most important rule, and honestly, the most appreciated. When your name is suddenly being thrown around and being indexed high in Internet searches, your whole world can become a loud, overwhelming, confusing place, and the last thing you need is another “You, ok?” from someone you’re close to. So just be there as you normally would. Ask how they’re doing, care about their day to day. No one cares if you didn’t see them in the news! If it’s relevant to the conversation, sure, bring it up. But if it’s a “hey look at me for bringing it up” type thing, it’s fishing for attention and time, and I find that to be super performative. Don’t be performative. Feel the vibe and be chill.
2. Don’t compare.
Let’s be real, comparison is the thief of joy. The media attention that other people in your life may receive is always going to make some wonder where their position in that same world is. It’s human nature. Resist the urge to make someone else’s life journey and accomplishments all about yourself. Just like money doesn’t make a person “better” or “difficult,” media attention just means their work is able to be magnified at that moment. Support them authentically, and don’t try to insert your relationship to this person i.e. friend, family member, colleague, etc. into their media narrative. It’s their moment to shine — not yours.
3. Utilizing discretion is key.
In the world of the media, nothing is just a regular private interaction anymore. The person receiving press is 100% not ignorant — they know how fast those texts, recordings, or seemingly innocent anecdotes can get twisted around. Now is not the time to tell people every little detail you know about this person, for example: what they’ve said, done, etc. Just like you wouldn’t tell a friend’s a secret, this is no different, even if the information doesn’t seem “secret,” keep commentary to yourself. You’ll keep more friends that way.
4. Don’t test and/or tease them about it.
Yup. It happens. Often, people who’ve “known” you for a while tend to try to pull this, and it’s a really bad move. Comments like “Hey! Don’t forget about me when you’re rich and famous!” or commenting on how they might now act differently and/or behave are all in your head, not theirs. Oh, you might not think it’s much, but it’s going to feel like a lot to someone who just wants their inner circle to just show up to support and be present with true intention.
5. Remain authentic and consistent.
Remember, whoever the person in your life is, they’re going to get a ton of “Hey! Look at this person!” and, although totally well-meaning, that isn’t really support; it’s just fascination in the moment.
Real support is a quick “Congrats. Proud of you,” (don’t make a huge deal out of what’s going on. People see right through it), and then carry on with your life. Check in with them, still ask them to hang out on a regular basis that you did before all the media attention, don’t seek more of their time now just because they’ve got something public going on. Still show up for them when you said you would.
Be a steady person in their life. Their energy will thank you. But mostly they’re just going to want to remember that when they succeed, there are the people they’ve always had still there, and it won’t be those who got weird and creeped them out because they just couldn’t play it cool.
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About Rev. Dylan Thomas Cotter: With over fifteen years of expertise in PR and strategy, Rev. Dylan Thomas Cotter stands out as a strategic advisor for elite clients across entertainment, technology, fitness, fashion and beauty. His dynamic life experience enhances his ability to elevate brand messages and drive impactful engagement.
A former adult entertainer, Dylan Thomas is proud gay transgender activist and author that has appeared in Vice, Rolling Stone, Out Magazine, Yahoo! News, Pride.com, Mashable, Inked Magazine, Well Beings News and Newsweekthat happily resides in the Hollywood Hills with his partner.
His memoir Transgender & Triggering The Life of Dylan Thomas Cotter is available now at Barnes & Noble, Harvard Book Store, Book Soup and Skylight Books amongst other fine retailers and is distributed worldwide through Ingramspark.